---
date: 2026-03-06T22:13:10-07:00
description: "Some thoughts on what makes a good gift, and why its hard to do it well."
# image: ""
lastmod: 2026-03-06T22:41:50-07:00
showTableOfContents: false
tags: ["life", "practices"]
title: "Good Gift Giving Is Difficult for Good Reason"
type: "post"
---

# A Gift is No Simple Thing

I think the standard low-effort but always appreciated gift is money.

Money indicates that you value some person, but don't really have the time to invest in finding something meaningful.

I think every person is different, so having a class of "evergreen" gifts is nonsense.

To give a truly nice gift requires selflessness.

You need to take time to start listening.

I think people signal things they want all the time.

## The First Kind of Gift

Lots of people I know are uncomfortable with the question "What do you want for \<special occasion\>?" It's so direct. Worse, its a trap, answering broadcasts how truly un-humble you are, needing trinkets and worldly things. No no, better to say something bland, normal, or nothing at all.

But unprompted, people will telegraph countless things they wish for. Some are hard to wrap, like a bigger home, or a different career, or more fulfilling relationships.

But notice, each of those things can be delivered, in some form, as a gift of time and attention: time set aside to scroll Zillow together and dream, a tighter budget to allocate funds to education or trade school.

This is the first precious gift you can give someone: __noticing__.

## The Priceless Gift

Time.

We come here with only so much.

Any moment you take to be with someone is precious, final, and non-refundable.

Giving your time to someone typically looks in our heads like being with them. But it's certainly possible to give your time to someone by yourself. Researching just the right piece of jewelry or keyboard based on the criteria you know they look for may be invaluable.

I want to stretch my gift giving abilities. Put myself in another's shoes, think from their POV (as best as I can manage) and give a thing I (they) would truly appreciate.

It's so easy to give the thing we would appreciate; always presented in our minds. A meal, a movie ticket, an obscure tiny Linux computer. Much harder is to give what the person actually wants.
